Hello, loved ones.

I write you with a major update on my humble journey.

This one is a little belated — and since my last post was more of a throwback to the graduation speech I gave in June, I’ve got a bit of ground to cover here.

In case you’re not one to read my lengthy dispatches in their entirety, I’ll get straight to the nut here (no pun intended):

Since one of the tumor markers in my blood has not (yet!) fallen as low as we’d like to see it after three rounds of chemo, my oncology team at Marin Cancer Care referred me this week to a UCSF doctor whose absolute specialty is urologic oncology. He sees testicular (and prostate) cancer patients pretty exclusively, he wrote a chapter of the book on curing this disease, and I met with him over Zoom on Friday morning for more than an hour.

Bottom line: I have my next abdominal and pelvic CT scan coming up on September 7 — the day after Labor Day — and it is a pretty big deal. So if you’re the praying type, or into sending vibes, I could really use them right about now.

A piece of healing artwork Satya and I created together this summer.

While I’m feeling increasingly good (even relatively great!) in my body, occasional twinges of back and hip pain these last several weeks have indicated the same thing that my latest CT scan seemed to show: that even if I am cancer-free in this moment (which I could very well be — in fact, let’s just say I AM!), there may be the possibility of a benign mass left behind that it is now my body’s job to eliminate (lest a surgeon be called on to assist with said task in a far less pleasing manner…).

Another little wrinkle to share (and part of why I didn’t write you sooner): in my two mid-August blood draws, my AFP tumor marker slightly, mysteriously, increased — from 5.7 (just in normal range) to a slightly high 6.4. This was what triggered my team in Marin to refer me to the UCSF specialist.

Since then, I had blood drawn again on August 21 and just got the results this week. It showed (drumroll please…) that my AFP is back in normal range at a blessed 5.4. I will continue with weekly blood draws, including the one I did yesterday morning, and the goal is to see that marker continue to plummet all the way down to around 2 or 3. And I just know it will.

We will know more with every week of data — especially after the big scan on 9/7 — but in the meantime, may all the helping spirits and healing vibes and healthy substances be summoned (along with my own right choices) to shrink this mofo down to nothing!

With Satya and Phoenix at Cotati Kids’ Day

While further rounds of chemotherapy and even surgery remain a part of the conversation, I’ve also gotten some uplifting signs from this specialist and a couple of other doctors indicating that I may (yet!) succeed in my intended path of curing this affliction without needing to resort to any drastic or unwanted steps.

(...Not sure if I mentioned it lately, but I've continued to deal with side-effects from the grueling chemo journey, including some neuropathy and swelling in my fingers that have limited full range of motion for me. One of the drugs also produced some shortness of breath that I am just starting to get over.)

Ultimately, I’ll do whatever I need to do to live and thrive long-range — but how glorious it will be to avert more chemo and, worse still, a complicated surgery!

Please see me as cancer-free, with the clinical data (clean labs and CT scans) to back it up. And see me reach that finish line holistically and with a scar-free midline.

In this dispatch, I’ll share more about what I’ve been doing to achieve these outcomes, and how you can help. Thanks for opening this email and being here with me on this sometimes scary (but always meaningful!) journey.

Before I continue, a special shout-out to those who have contributed to my healing fundraiser and helped to spread the word by sharing it. Thanks to you, we are nearly 2/3 of the way to achieving our goal. Please keep spreading the love and inviting others to do the same!

Thanks for continuing to share the love, blessings, and contributions to this fundraiser!

I finished my third round of chemo last Monday — and it feels like much more time has passed than twelve days.

For most of last week, I felt a lot of residual chemo-ey grossness and focused on basic recovery (while also enjoying Satya’s last week of summer vacation with her in my hometown of Pacifica).

A major highlight there was taking her boogie boarding for her first (and second) time ever, which was a blast! We were out there for a while, too — and I really felt the healing and cleansing power of the ocean.

A big part of me just wanted to stay floating out there and diving into the waves all day, every day, like if I could only do that, this cancer would be cured for sure. I’ve had similar feelings walking and running lately. Like I could just keep going all day, day after day, and like that would positively serve my healing journey.

Sometimes, you just want to stay in the surf until the sun goes down!

But balance. Each of those voices in my psyche is but one part in a larger chorus singing me along my path to freedom. And I intend to hear and respect each and every one of them.

I also held another healing ceremony last weekend, this one around the fire pit in my backyard with some dear friends.

While I called the circle and kindled the flames to support us all in our healing (as surely everyone around that fire, just as everyone reading this post, has his own challenges and concerns, her own heartaches and prayers), I was particularly touched by a moment in ceremony in which one friend invited the circle to direct healing energy toward me and initiated a round of sharing healing blessings to uplift me on my path.

I also released into the fire all doubt — in myself, in a higher power, in the significance of life, and in the power of my intentions and actions to affect and guide this healing process.

Since then (and since I’ve concurrently been feeling better and better in my body since finishing chemo), I’ve been leaning into the healing journey with renewed vigor. In fact, in many ways, it has felt like now that I’m out of (the necessary and much-appreciated process of) chemotherapy, the real healing can begin.

Source: Radical Remission, Dr. Kelly Turner — Source: *Radical Remission*, Dr. Kelly Turner

In my very first dispatch from the frontlines of cancer healing, I mentioned an excellent book that I was reading, and have since completed, entitled Radical Remission. In it, the author shares stories from decades of practice and research on cases of people who “spontaneously” healed from frightening and often terminal cancer diagnoses, and the factors and choices most of their stories have in common — including diet and nutrition, herbs and supplements, following one’s intuition, taking charge in the medical process, releasing suppressed emotions, and working with one’s higher power or universal healing energy to achieve the desired cure.

While all of these factors really resonated with me, during chemo I felt somewhat limited in my ability to implement many of the realizations I’ve been having all along.

For example, I have known in my bones that dusting off my creative projects and finally writing my book is essential to my healing in a way that no CT scan or blood test could ever show, and in a way that no oncologist could ever truly appreciate. And yet, with my body dogged by side-effects from the chemo these last couple of months, and with my schedule all but filled with medical appointments and other responsibilities, I haven’t (yet!) felt like I’ve had the time or energy to really get into it. The closest I’ve been able to come is penning these weekly portals into my healing process.

Similarly, I really do trust in the power of my natural immune system to affect great healing, especially with the right dietary fuel and herbal support. But during chemo, I complied with my doctors’ urges to sideline a great number of supplements to avoid potential conflicts with the treatment itself.

And while I’ve been doing my best to transform my diet throughout this whole process, I was also just doing my best to keep my weight up and eating a yes-powered menu of whatever seemed most appealing to my debilitated body in any given moment. I didn’t (yet!) feel educated or empowered enough to embark on a a high-powered nutritional journey of full-on green-juice cleansing and intermittent fasting with a keto twist.

Now that chemotherapy is done (at least for the moment, perhaps for good), a lot has changed.

Arriving for the first day of third grade!

As of this Monday, Satya is back in school (my big third-grader!), and while I still have some appointments on the calendar for weekly labs, follow-up doctor visits and complementary treatment, my long mornings are now clear for writing!

I am also now free to pull some powerful herbs and supplements off the bench and get them into the game at last. Thanks to my awesome acupuncturist, I am working with a strong and ancient home-brewed tonic of intense Chinese herbs that I intuitively feel are going to be at least as successful as chemo was in eliminating molecules of unwellness from my body. Additionally, healing mushrooms like reishi and chaga, and faithful adaptogens like turmeric and ashwagandha, are again invited to come and play.

Also, this week, for the first time since the Covid pandemic began, I’ve been going to the gym — and it feels great! Not only am I increasing circulation and producing endorphins that I know to be essential to the healing process, and recovering from the loss of muscle mass and cardiopulmonary stamina I suffered during treatment; I am also creating a need in my body for protein, which is helping to repurpose any dead tissues lurking in the wake of this treatment. By combining exercise with a ketogenic diet and intermittent fasting, I’ve been causing my body to consume any tissue that may have remained in the area where cancer once was.

Satya made this for me. In it, with the support of angels and the wings of love, I am breathing out all the cancer. Breath of life! — Satya made this for me. In it, with the support of angels and the wings of love, I am breathing out all the cancer. *Breath of life!*

The more I’ve learned about my cancer diagnosis and treatment (and my personal healing process), the more empowered I’ve felt in my meditation and visualization, as well.

Sometimes, it’s best to just follow the breath and let thoughts arise and subside. But sometimes I like to employ my thoughts to instruct (literally in-struct, give inner structure to) my body.

Here is what I tell myself and my inner community of cells, each with their own awareness:

First, know that we are cancer free. We are safe. We’ve gone through three rounds of intense chemotherapy, and those drugs have killed all the rapidly dividing cancer cells, leaving behind only healthily functioning cells and tissues.

Join me now in turning off any and all cancer genes. Roll up any corrupted blueprints and put them away for good. There’s no longer a need to express in that way. I have gotten the message, and I have returned into alignment with my soul purpose.

My cells do not and will not collude with cancer, will not be corrupted or recruited into joining any campaign that would cause harm to this or any other organism. Be at peace.

Feel into the space in my abdomen and lower back, and around my aorta and inferior vena cava. If there are any dead cells or necrosis, any residual scar tissue or fibrosis, any benign mass or teratoma, let us take care of them. Terminate any pathogens. Remove what is no longer needed, dissolving it into water and releasing it from the body. If there are any useful proteins or other parts that can healthily and sustainably be used as building blocks elsewhere, get them where they need to go.

We are cleaning up any mess left by cancer or chemotherapy, healing all wounds, consoling any inflammation, and creating a well-organized body and a vibrantly healthy organism that is ready to serve.

Let us respect and support this beating heart and our shared mission of living long and well in this world, to serve and celebrate life, to speak our truth and sing our song, to radiate peace and love, to be the best father and teacher and warrior and king we can be, for all the world and all its people, present and future, on to the seventh generation.

There is always more to say, but for now I’ll end with this:

Thank you for being you. If you are reading these words, we are kin. I appreciate that you are here for me, and I am here for you.

I am honored to know you in this great mystery called life.

With love eternal,

Nils